27 January, 2006

Utterances, Silly Gene

So there are some things I never ever imagined I would hear anyone say.

1. "DO NOT put trash up my underwear!" (Bob to Meggie as she tried to shove some wadded up toilet paper into the leg of his boxers.)

2."I know Mom, it puts terrible nuts on me too." (Molly to me after I complained that traffic "drives me nuts.")

3. "Meggie put me in a FIT!" (Molly complaining about her sister). (Of course).

4. "If you do not put your clothes on RIGHT NOW, you WILL go to school naked!" (Not one of my finer moments).

5. "It's a good thing I can look downder than you can Mommy." (Molly to me after she found her earring on the floor by looking downder than me.)

6. "Look, there is a hooker pulling a bus!" (Molly on the way home upon seeing a bus being towed by a wrecker.)

7. "Let's just leave that hooker here." (Molly upon discovering a clothes hanger in her car seat."

8. E-I-E-I-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (Meghan, just to annoy Molly but not saying "O" at the end).

I am sure there are more. We are pretty wacky - I just haven't slept a whole night in 4 1/2 years and my memory ain't what it used to be.

Silly Gene
I think I am missing the silly gene. My kids have it - even Bob has it. I, however, am not silly and I just want to get the job done in the most efficient manner possible, no fuss, no muss, no craziness.

With two very silly girls, I am in trouble!

I am constantly frustrated by their lack of attention to the matter at hand and their ability to dawdle incessantly. Why must we twirl through the grocery store when walking would be just fine? I am sure they are asking me the same question, only in reverse, and my answer is because - we have stuff to do!

Is the stuff we have to do THAT important? Is an extra 5 or 10 minutes in the grocery store really THAT crucial?

How do I get past this? I MUST let them be children - be joyful - be creative - be expressive. I have to figure this out!


24 January, 2006

Baby Watch, I am not the only one with issues, Workout!

Baby Watch
No baby yet. Amy is being induced tomorrow night. The doctor at first said he wanted to wait and Amy told him that I was coming next week and the baby needed to be here by then, so he said fine, tomorrow night.

Woo hoo!!!

Sadly, Molly has all of this stuff mixed up. See we have Amy and Jason (Jason is my brother) and we have Ami and Kevin (Ami is Bob's sister).
Well, if you can't see it written down, Amy and Ami sound AMAZINGLY similar. So Molly thought Amy and Jason were having the baby and it was going to live at Uncle Kevin's house. And she couldn't figure out how the baby could belong to Jason AND Amy, so we had to explain all that. The world must be very, very confusing to a four year old.

I am not the only one with issues
Poor, poor Jeff.

He had to have a plantar's wart removed from his foot. And he went to the ghetto laser-wart removal place. With a broken ventilation system (here, wear this mask because the burning skin smell...well, wear the mask), and dried blood from the last patient still on the floor, he SHOULD have just left. But being the polite people-pleaser that he is, he stayed and let these people point a laser at his foot.

So now, 2 weeks later, it is still not healed and he has to stay off of it until Friday and still no running and, according to him, "my ass is huge, I haven't run in three weeks are you kidding me?"

Aww, honey...

Just a general announcement to the Universe at large and my family in particular -


Wish me luck - my goal this week is 600 calories per workout. I want to have lost 20 pounds by the time I go to Boston next week.

Go me!


23 January, 2006

You know, they sell gas lots of places; What the f&^% is wrong with you?; Stubborn

You know...
Yes, I know, they sell gas lots of places. But see, there is this gas station just down the highway from work with the cheapest gas between work and home. Seriously - usually by 2-3 cents, sometimes by as much as 5 or 6 cents. And as much gas as I buy, that works for me.

The last time I stopped there I noticed an odor. It was the smell of old urine.

Now, I am sorry, but that is nasty. I thought about it all the way home. It was not a pervasive odor - just like maybe some old guy got drunk and peed on the ground near where I was standing. But still - pretty skeevy. Pee inside, OK?

Then I forgot about it. And I stopped there today.


It smelled like...I don't know what. Pee for days. Sometimes it smelled like animal pee at the zoo. Sometimes, old baby diapers. Sometimes I detected fresh pee. Depending on how hard the wind was blowing, and from which direction, I detected no less than 7 different pee-related smells. It was sickening. I have no idea what was going on but, as you might have discerned from my last post, I am not down with pee.

So I am on the hunt for a new cheap, pee-free gas station.

What the f&^% is wrong with you?
So yesterday at church a young man got up and talked about his Eagle scout project, building a trail at a therapeutic horse farm. He told all about his project and made his pitch for donations, and was very nervous in the way that young men on the brink of manhood are when they know a lot of people are looking at them.

After his main pitch he wasn't sure where to go with it and so Dr. Carl rescued him, and told about all the things he will have to go through to get his Eagle Scout thing and said, "Now when that is all over with, won't your Mom come up here and pin your Eagle on you?"

And it was then - FLASH - that I decided that I DO want another baby and I want a boy and someday I want to pin an Eagle to his uniform.

I came home and told Bob this whole story. And even though he REALLY wants another baby and desperately wants it to be a boy while I have been riding the fence on it for over a year, he looks at me over lunch and says:

"What the f&^% is wrong with you? This is what makes you decide you want a baby?"

I can't explain it - I don't even really like the Boy Scouts all that much what with their policies on gays as leaders, etc. But it was clear as day - I could totally see it happening.

So, we'll see. I need to finish losing weight first - 16.6 pounds down! Woo hoo!

Looks like my new little nephew is as stubborn as the rest of us. He was due on Friday and he is not here yet and my brother is FREAKING out. Keep them in your prayers - Amy and Jason and baby Jamie.

Thanks, guys. Peace out.