30 September, 2005

Johnny-Come-Lately; Question of the Day; Fear and Loathing Update


OK, I totally missed it last year. It was not even a blip on my radar. I don't know why - maybe it was having a new baby and a new job, I didn't feel like I could commit. But now, suddenly, I HAD to see it! Of course, I did not want to purchase the season 1 DVD set. (I, silly woman, insist on gas and groceries instead!) So my husband found it for me and I have been watching an episode or two when I have had time. And Oh. My. God.

It is scary. It is awesome. It is clever and well-written and scary. Did I mention, scary? But I am so hooked.

When I was watching the first two episodes I had a brownie on a plate on my desk and I forgot they were there!! Me! Forgot about brownies!!

I have a new tagline for ABC - "TV so good, you forget to eat!"

So yes, I am a Johnny-come-lately with Lost. My apologies to those who have watched from day 1. But I am SO in!

Question of the Day
So, did you hear?

John Roberts was confirmed and sworn in as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States. It all happened in what seemed like 20 minutes.

Anyone else feel like perhaps he was, I don't know, SHOVED down our throats? I am just sick. How much more conservative can we get? How much more damage is Bush going to do? How far backwards are we going to go?

I remember when we got married, the minister who married us was very old-school. He gave us a book from the 50's about marriage, and it suggested that perhaps I should iron a fresh ribbon to put in my hair just before dear husband comes home from the office. It also suggested that I should wipe off the coffee table one last time before he comes home, fetch his pipe and slippers and whiskey, and sleep in the other room if I were to be sick or, say, having womanly issues.

I fear that the trend in this country is heading back that way.

But not me. I have worked too hard and put up with too much crap to be a strong, independent woman who has chosen to try to have it all for Bush and Roberts and DeLay and whoever the hell else to legislate it away, or make me feel guilty about it, or take the choice away from my daughters.

I am pissed and it is on! Bring it. We are women, hear us roar!

Fear and Loathing Update
So I have talked to several people who had some (minor) credentials, as far as psychology and counseling go and do you know what they had to say about getting past the fear?



26 September, 2005

Seriously, people; Question of the Day; Hooker Heels - Update

Seriously, people
I was driving through one of the small towns adjacent to the small town where I work and I saw the oddest thing.

Of course I have to comment.

I was sitting at the intersection where I have (a) had a wreck and (b) received a ticket, when I noticed an employee of the gas station on said corner walk very, very gingerly out to the edge of the gas station lot, take down two election signs, and walk very, very gingerly away. I wondered, of course, why she was walking so very gingerly and I saw that she was outside with socks on but no shoes.


Maybe, like Dear Abby, that poor gas station employee will somehow see this and realize her life could be oh so much easier if she just donned her footwear. Or maybe you know her and you can cut this out and put it on the fridge for her to see, or mail it to her anonymously.

PS - If you know her, you may know the guy down at Goodwill who smells like onions. Maybe you could tell him he may want to investigate that. Bless both their hearts!

Question of the Day
Why is it that children misbehave the worst when you feel the worst? I am still dragging over the flu or whatever it was I had last week, and now Bob has it, and the kids are AWFUL.

Or maybe the things that are OK or seem kinda cute when we are well just don't when we are sick.

Thank goodness we only seem to be sick at the same time 5 or 6 times a year!! :)

Hooker Heels Update
Molly broke her very favorite dress up shoes. Broke the heel right off.

She was very upset. She broke it while she was running through the kitchen. I was not sympathetic.

She refused to speak to me for several minutes afterwards.

Bad mother - BAD MOTHER!

Oh well, I guess she will have to get out her other dress up shoes - the purple ones with a disco ball on top.

See. I told you!


25 September, 2005

Fear and Loathing, Question of the Day, I Refuse to Read Cold Mountain Again

Fear and Loathing
OK, so you know how I do therapy on myself? I have a minor in psychology and I am pretty intuitive and it is really important to me to figure out why I do (or don't do) what I do (or don't do). So this week I have had a sort of breakthrough, but I don't know what to do with it.

Here's the deal. The radio station I listen to abruptly cancelled their 12-3 show and has replaced 12-1 with life coaches and therapists and the like. So Monday I was in the car, waiting for it to be time for a meeting, making some notes and thinking, barely listening to the radio, when I hear a guy call in who is worried about his girlfriend. She has some problems (sounds like drugs to me) and she keeps promising to do better, says she knows she has to do better, but then does the same thing again. Hmmm...sounds familiar. I put my notes away and turn up the volume.

The therapist, Dr. Bev I believe, says this girl is engaging in a pattern of self-sabotage. Dr. Tom says that self-sabotage is born of fear. What is she so afraid of? What does she fear that is keeping her from doing what she says she will do?


"Self-sabotage is born of fear. What is she so afraid of? What does she fear that is keeping her from doing what she says she will do?"

This keeps reverberating in my head all week.

So I have explored it...probed it gently, carefully, like when you have a tooth that is kind of hurting but you aren't sure you want to know the extent of the pain yet.

And here is what I have come up with. Two of the places I know I am self-sabotaging are my writing and weight loss.

What am I so afraid of?
That I will actually finish something and no one will read it, publish it, buy it, like it, or make a movie out of it.

That I will write something and it will end up as a Harlequin romance instead of the great American novel.

That I will write something, it'll be great, and I won't be able to follow it up.

That I will lose the weight and, in the words of Mindy (Rachel's "best" friend on Friends) be all bitter because, it turns out, I don't have a pretty face.

That I will cheat on my husband. I have cheated on everyone I have ever dated, one way or another. The weight keeps me safe.

That I will still not get everything I want, and that I won't have the weight as a crutch. This one is a bit more complicated...let me try to explain. Someone doesn't want to be my friend? Maybe they just don't like fat people. I don't get a job? It was my weight...bad first impression. That kind of stuff.

So I have outlined here my deepest and darkest fears. And some of them are ridiculous - yes. And some of them are not. All of them are real, at least to me.

Question of the Day
So what do I do about the fear? How do I get over it, or live with it, or make it work for me instead of against me?

Dr. Bev and Dr. Tom did not offer anything to help with that.

There is a Suzy Bogguss song that says "If you can't deal me the aces, you think I wouldn't play." Well, I wouldn't. I don't. I am not a risk taker.

I am planning some research on fear and self-sabotage and moving past it- any help from you, dear reader, would be greatly appreciated as well.

I Refuse to Read Cold Mountain Again
I have felt like absolute CRAP since Wednesday - achy, fever and chills, headache, general malaise. So I have been reading. I am reading all the books I own that I have not previously read. I read Prey by Michael Crichton - SCARY! I am reading his Timeline now. Also read Nora, Nora by Anne Rivers Siddons. OK, I had read that before, but a long time ago. Next up, maybe Hannibal by Thomas Harris, maybe Blessings by Anna Quindlen, maybe True at First Light by Hemingway, maybe Toxin by Robin Cook. I hear if you read that you will never eat fast food again. Basically I am scouring my shelves for things I haven't read. I am trying to be open to new experiences, perspectives, and descriptions.

And, just so you know, if I was left alone in the world with Cold Mountain, I would cut apart the words and use them to make up something new!