05 August, 2005

For the Love of God, Shame, Guilt and Remorse, Question of the Day, Shopping by Proxy

For the Love of God
Could people stop using ridiculous abbreviations? Please? I just do not have the time, energy, or desire to read something written like a vanity plate. You are writing prose, people! There is an ENTIRE keyboard just FULL of letters waiting to be used. And you don't have to pay extra - go ahead and use every letter. God wants you to. Bill Gates wants you to. That is why they are all on the keyboard!

I know this seems ridiculous, but as an English major...I just can't take it. They are massacring my language and they think they are cool. Instead they just look insane and ridonkulous.

ytd= Year to date, not yesterday
ur is not the same as your (and while we're at it, "your" is possessive, "you're" is "you are") (don't even get me STARTED on its and it's or there, their, and they're)
u r is not the same as you are


I know there are more but I am so cross-eyed from trying to read the dreck I can't even think. Arrgghh!

Shame, Guilt and Remorse
Ahhhh, my old friends. Can't quite figure you all out. Especially guilt.

Last night I was downstairs cleaning up. Bob brought the girls upstairs to play for a few minutes before bath time. I was emptying the dishwasher, putting away the toys, folding clothes, putting clothes from washer to dryer, from basket to washer, taking out the dog, tidying up. All the things one has to do (or at least things I have to do) so as not to come downstairs in the morning and lose my mind because everything is a wreck and the kitchen still smells like last night's dinner. Suffice it to say I was busy, I was not sitting my ass on the couch and watching old episodes of Friends and eating Edy's Rocky Road Ice Cream. That may have been what I wanted to be doing, but not what I was, in fact, engaged in. (That's where the shame and remorse come in).

So why did I feel guilty that I was not upstairs helping Bob with the girls? I know I am only one person, I know that what I was doing was, if not vital at least important, to keeping the household running, and I know that if I had been upstairs, I would have felt guilty that I was not downstairs cleaning up.

Where does this insane guilt come from? I am neither Catholic nor Jewish, but somehow I got the guilt anyway.

Jeesh!


Shopping by Proxy
One of the things my agency offers is a food pantry, and by default it is my job to keep it full. So I am going shopping today.

I love this part of my job. It makes me so happy to know that the effort (writing the grant, getting the grant, getting the money from the Treasurer, spending a whole day shopping and organizing and loading and unloading) will directly benefit people - hungry people at that.

The hard part is shopping for people who may not like what I like. Knowing that if all I was buying were the only things I would be able to choose from for sustenance I would not be happy. I eat because I love food. I know beggars can't be choosers. But I try to get things I know people would like. Some things that are a little special. I buy the good tuna and salmon - I know generic is cheaper, but I want people to have food that tastes good. So on behalf of our clients, I am going shopping and hopefully picking stuff they will like and will keep them well-nourished until whatever emergency has sent them here is resolved.

Happy Friday, boys and girls. Take a load off - you deserve it!

sfw

04 August, 2005

My Baby, Sweating Like Hog, Question of the Day, Business Cards

My Baby
Meghan is most definitely mini-me.

Now when I found out I was pregnant with her, I said to her "Look, you are MY baby. Molly is definitely Bob's baby, but you, little one, will be mine."

Boy, was I wrong. She is just like me, but up until just recently, she much preferred her father's company to mine. Any time she cried, she cried until he held her. If she was hungry, he had to feed her. If she was wet or dirty or annoyed or wanted something different on TV, she went to him. When she was sick, only her sainted father could comfort her. She has thrown up on him more times than I can remember. (Silver lining - she has never thrown up on me!)

Lately she has been more into me, which is great. She gives kisses, she brings me stuff, she even says Mama, to a certain extent. And in all this newfound bonding between mother and daughter, here are the ways I have noticed she is like me:

1. Chocolate obsession: I was looking around for her yesterday morning and she was sitting in a corner licking the chocolate off the inside of a Twix wrapper. Unfortunately, I can't say I haven't done the same thing.

2. Impatience and low tolerance for frustration: This child will screech at the least little thing - it takes more than 1 second to fix her some milk? You can hardly hear yourself think for the wails that come out of this kid's mouth. Good Lord! And don't let something get on her nerves or be too hard for her to do - like, say, pulling the sit and spin out from under the play workshop. If it gets stuck on something and she can't get it out, she screams so loud that the neighbors come running. I, too, tend to be a bit on the impatient side and would love to scream like a maniac when I don't get my way.

3. Laughter - this kid laughs all the time (as long as she is not waiting for something or being frustrated by something). Everything is funny to her.
Me too!

4. Built like a tank - Molly is more willowy and lanky. Meghan is built like a tank. I am hoping she will grow out of it - not because I won't love her, but because I know how hard life will be if she has struggle with her weight like I always have, and I don't want that for her.

5. Selective about who touches her - I believe I may have mentioned that I don't really prefer for people I don't know to touch me. Skeevy!! Meghan, also, does not like to be touched unless she initiates it. Good girl! Let's remember this in 15 or so years!

6. Fearless - OK, this is not so much me. But she is a climber and she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Ok, maybe, in some ways , it is me...just I'm more like that in a metaphorical sense...

7. Cute - she is disarmingly cute. Me too!

8. Gets mad at Bob when he yells at Molly - she can't say the words she is thinking yet, but she will definitely let you know that she thinks something is unfair and unjust. Have I mentioned....yeah, I like things to be fair.

9. Carb-addict- this child will not eat anything that looks like it might contain protein, except taco-seasoned hamburger meat. I'll eat protein, but I'd give it all up for an all-carb diet.

10. She loves TV - I love TV too!

Sweating Like a Hog
I went to work out at the gym last night at 9:00. I did about 12 minutes on the elliptical, and 20 on the bike. And I was sweating like I had just run a marathon. I had to cool off for an hour or more, then a shower, then I had to try and go to sleep - I did not fall asleep until after midnight.

But I did it!!

So now I gotta do it again. Every night. Forever.

No - no - don't think about it that way. I gotta do it tonight! Yeah!!

Question of the Day
How do you decide what is ethical or unethical? If you are an outside observer to a situation, or if you hear one side of the story but not the other, what qualifies you to make an ethical judgment regarding the situation?

It just annoys the crap out of me when someone things they have a higher moral authority than the rest of us, and they throw down the yellow ethics flag whenever they want, and yet they are being unethical all over the place.

What can I do? Seriously. It's getting out of hand.

Business Cards
I got my business cards yesterday - yay! I am official!

Now, who wants one?

sfw

03 August, 2005

Nerd, Benefits, Question of the Day, Early Days

Nerd
I will admit that, to a certain extent, to the outside observer, I may appear to be a nerd.

I was never a cheerleader - I edited the literary magazine and won the writing award.

I always had 20 pounds to lose.

I made good grades, didn't drink, smoke, or have sex (until college, anyway). I was never late for class, never skipped class, always did my homework and made the honor roll.

So yeah, kinda nerdy.

But I may have crossed the line into a little more nerdy yesterday. But maybe, just maybe, I can view this...thing I did as a tool to manage my ADD rather than a headlong run into nerdland.

Here is what I did - I went to the Dollar Store and I purchased a 3-pack of tiny notebooks. My plan is to keep one with me all the time and write down ideas for my blog in it, and then when it's time to sit down at my computer and write this thing that you may or may not be reading (and further, may or may not be enjoying!), I will have some material to draw from.

So, nerds, look out. You got a new recruit. But I came in willingly, so none of you gets the points towards your new nerdgear. I do, after all, have some dignity.

Not a lot. But some.

Benefits
One of the benefits of my job is that unless I have a meeting or something like that, I can work at home.

Bliss, I tell you.

Working in my PJ's for awhile...then in shorts and a t-shirt...having the TV on while I am working...reading the junk I need to read laying on my couch instead of sitting at a desk...damn, people. This is the life!

I am spoiled.

But this, I am sure, is not news to any of you...

Question of the Day
Eyebrows - why?

Somedays it seems that life would be a little simpler without eyebrows. I have eyebrows from hell - they're huge! I wax them into submission, but they seem to have a mind of their own, and they have decided they want to take over my whole face.

Thank goodness for Sally Hansen Wax Strips is all I can say!

Early Days
With the two kiddiewinks and the job and the life and all, I only seem to get to watch re-runs on TV. Every night before bed I watch Will and Grace - and they started the cycle over last week or so, and they are showing the really early ones.

It was awesome! Jack was a character, not a caricature. Grace was only a little bitter, Will was more bitter, and Karen, oh Karen. She was HI-larious.
The writing was awesome and they all seemed to look better (not just because they were younger and firmer, but they had better hair and clothes).

Anyway, I miss the excitement of finding a new great show...the upcoming TV season leaves little hope for that!

Earl, indeed!

sfw

02 August, 2005

Mid-Day Addition

I am 14% White Trash.
Not at all White Trashy!
I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box.

Restless, Forgiveness, Question of the Day, Freak O' the Week

Restless
The natives were most definitely restless last night - I was up at least once an hour because one or the other of them was crying or fell out of bed.

I am tired! So maybe it was not the natives who were rest-less, but Mom! They have nights like this every now and then, and it just absolutely kills me. Bob, somehow, sleeps through it all.

Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a tricky thing.

For many of us it is one of the tenets of our faith - God forgives us, and so it is our job to forgive others.

In fact, it is a line in the Lord's Prayer (or the Our Father if you are Catholic)

Forgive us our debts (trespasses) as we forgive our debtors (trespassers).

Dr. Carl once preached a powerful sermon on the word "as" in that statement - asking God to forgive us AS we forgive others. So if we forgive others cheerfully and without reservation and with love, He will do the same for us. On the other hand, if we forgive grudgingly and only because we "have" to, well, you see where I am going.

Yesterday on the radio people were talking about why they don't go to the movies anymore. I know, this does not appear to have anything to do with forgiveness, but trust me - we'll get there. This guy called in and said he does not like Jane Fonda, and that is why he did not go see Monster-In-Law. He disagrees with what she did and said during the Vietnam War, says he believes she committed treason, and not spending his dollars on her movies is the only way he feels he can be heard about this issue.

Host: "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"
Caller: "No - I'm too young."
Host: "She apologized for her actions back then, but you don't accept her apology?"
Caller: "She did not do it to me - so it's not my apology to accept."
Host: "So we forgive sports stars and presidents who have had problems in the past. Why can't you forgive Jane Fonda?"
Caller: "She didn't do it to me. It's not mine to forgive."
Host: "But you still won't go see her movies. Because of something she did, not to you, and she has apologized for. But you won't accept her apology, or forgive her, because she did not do it to you."
Caller: "That's right."

Huh? If someone does something, but not to you, then you have no responsibility to your faith or yourself or all of humanity to forgive them, and you can go on being mad at them indefinitely?

I don't profess to have a hotline to the Father above, but I am pretty sure that is not what He means when he tells us to forgive, to treat our neighbors as ourselves, to turn the other cheek. Very seldom has God given us any loopholes.

Question of the Day
What the hell is Bush doing?

He appointed John Bolton the minute Congress recessed. How do you appoint someone to be ambassador to the UN when said person does not believe in the UN?

George Bush is a rogue cowboy, a loose cannon, and we are well rid of him in just 3 long years.

Freak O' The Week
This weeks FOTW - drumroll please.....

WILLIE AAMES

Did you see Celebrity Fit Club? What an idiot. He is supposed to be Bibleman.

I think he needs some remedial Bibleman training.

He sprayed a 3-time world champion kickboxer with the hose. Now dude came to Willie's house at the behest of Harvey to help ol' Willie get back on the fitness track. He said at the weigh in that they were "lucky they weren't staring down the barrel of a 12-gauge shotgun." He walked out. He and Harvey got in a yelling match and he chastised Harvey for not answering his phone. (Harvey had been at the funeral of a Marine buddy killed in Iraq.) There were insults, there was extreme cursing, and there was Willie Aames. Buddy Lembeck.

And after all that, he gained a pound.

FREAK O' THE WEEK!

Check back next Tuesday for next week's big ol' freak!

sfw

01 August, 2005

Sunshine, For Your Literary Diversion, Question of the Day, To Do List

Sunshine!
The sun is shining!

I know, I hate the heat! I was happy when it rained! It cooled off, we didn't see the sun, and all was good!

But, in true fickle-girl, you-always-want-what-you-don't-have fashion, I began to miss the sunshine. Waking up to gloom, 5 or so days in a row, was making even this sun-hating, fog-embracing, reverse-SAD freak a little down.

But now the sun is out, it looks bright and sunny and fantastic outside. And I am sure it's hot as hell and as soon as I leave to go to the post office I'll be complaining about how steamy and awful it is outside.

I know, I know. My brother says I am worse than a girl.

For your literary diversion
I am having some difficulty deciding what book to read next. I really SHOULD read one of the many, many books I have purchased for work. They are not doing me any good sitting on the very impressive shelf in my office.

But even then, which one?

Leadership, By Rudy Guiliani
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
The Last Grant Writing Book You'll Ever Need - ??

I need to read them all, but instead of prioritizing and choosing one, I have procrastinated and chosen none. OK, I'm picking one...now....ummmmm.....

Question of the Day
What is the one thing you wanted that you never got?

For me, Brownie pants.

Inconsequential now, but it was a HUGE void in my life when I was in 3rd grade.

See, I was a Brownie Girl Scout. We had to wear our uniforms to school, and back in the day, the uniform was a brown jumper, brown and white blouse with the brownie symbol printed on it, brown knee socks, and of course the sash and the hat.

You could also purchase pants to match. Well, I asked for the pants for Christmas because when I walked to school and the gap between the jumper and the knee socks got cold! But, alas, no Brownie pants.

And now, I look back, and damn those things were ugly! And expensive!

But my knees would not have been cold. And my middle school years would not have been filled with gin and regret...I mean resentment and ill will towards the little rich girls who had warm knees and Brownie pants.

To Do List
I have done almost everything on my to-do list today!

I know, I know.

Short list!

Better get back to it.

sfw

31 July, 2005

Lazy Days, Mormons Calling, Question of the Weekend

Lazy Days
I don't know what is wrong with me, but I have been soooo lazy this weekend.

On Friday afternoon I made a list of goals for the weekend. My shower is filthy, the baby's closet needs to be cleaned out, the whole house needs to be dusted and vacuumed, the flower beds need weeding, the grass needs cutting and there is a mysterious rusty stain running down the side of the house that needs to be cleaned with CLR or some other toxic chemical. All of these things were to be rectified by, well, now.

Guess how many? (Based on the title of this section, most of you will have guessed "none.")

None!

But I did finish a fantastic book (Coming Home by Rosamunde Pilcher - 972 pages) and wrote the beginning of the last chapter of one of my books and pulled out my lone David Sedaris tome to read and get inspired by (notice I did not say I actually read it - just located it and pulled it off the crowded shelf which needs to be organized)...so the weekend was not, I suppose, a complete washout.

I did manage to keep the family fed and watered, got some laundry done and got to Level 11 on What Word - Yahoo Games.

Yeah, totally worth it. Later tonight I will be watching Queer as Folk (2 episodes left! The Lesbians are threatening to move to Canada) and Celebrity Fit Club 2 (apparently Buddy Lembeck and the drill sergeant have it out. ENJOYABLE!)

Man.

Mormons Calling
So we did not go to church today (shock!). But that's OK, God got even with us.

He sent the mormons calling.

And get this - it was 3 girls. Sister Bloom (hopefully her last name), Sister Katie, and Sister Allie.

They were all blonde with blue eyes and healthy, natural glows. You could tell they had never been plagued by acne, 10 extra pounds, or doubts about Joseph Smith and his experiences in the wilderness. They were very sweet and very much in love with their religion. But I am so sorry, it is not for me.

No chocolate or diet coke (caffeine). I believe I may have mentioned before the importance of diet coke. Seriously. Scratchy undergarments, loads of babies, kids on missions for a year after hugh school, grinding your own flour, keeping a year's worth of food on hand in case of hard times. Lots of stuff (some of which may or may not be Mormon - my Mormon friends did all the aforementioned and blamed, or credited, being Mormon when questioned about it, so I am telling you what they told me. I could be wrong.)

I am impressed with the depth, breadth, and consistency of their faith. Skip church because they were tired? No way. Chocolate to cure PMS - even just a little piece? No way.

I would never make it. And if they knew all about me, they would not want me!

Question of the Weekend
Not too deep today, folks.

How do you sort your laundry?

I am a freak.

Light clothes, light towels, dark clothes, dark towels, medium clothes (if there are two loads of mediums, then they get separated further into light medium and dark medium.) Sheets are separate, as are dishtowels.

My parents have ceased all laundry sorting. Whatever the hell is dirty gets washed. So what if your towels all turn pink and your black pants have white towel lint all over them?

I cannot begin to imagine.

I do remember the first time I put a sweater in the dryer.

Surprisingly, it dried just fine. And no one died. I just knew it was going to shrink to the size of a child's sweater, or come unraveled or just explode and turn into dryer lint. But, somewhat disappointingly, it was fine.

So I am most assuredly a laundry freak! Laundry freaks of the world, Unite!

Assuming you can stop sorting long enough to unite with the rest of us. It may take me awhile...

sfw