23 August, 2005

It Ain't Easy, Freak of the Week, Question of the Day, Anonymous

WARNING - THIS IS NOT FUNNY, IN FACT IT IS PRETTY PATHETIC!!

It Ain't Easy...
bein' me!

Pity party time - just a warning. You can skip down if you want. This is really just for me.

I feel very lonely right now. I feel like a lot is expected of me - both at home and with the extended family.

But I feel like I am contributing a lot in many different ways, and now it is expected rather than requested, and I am tired, and lonely, and I just don't think I am getting what I need in return. And I know the right thing to do is just TELL people, but I don't want to hurt them, and I don't want to seem as needy as I know I seem, but I feel empty and spent and worn out.

No one even seems to notice when I come home. All I get from my family, his family, and home is bad news and crap, and I just need someone to say Thanks - thanks for working and cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids every waking moment when you are not at work and doing the laundry and bringing home a paycheck and worrying all the time and listening to everybody bitch and we're sorry we don't run and hug you when you get home and we are sorry that all we ask you is if you brought is diet coke and we're sorry we never have dinner started and we really do love you and we recognize that you are doing everything you possibly can to hold things together and you are beautiful and go lay down and take a nap.

Is that too much to ask?

Question of the Day
Well, is it??

:)

So, I label myself as a person of action and a strategic planner - what can I do to fix this?

I doubt that anyone involved, other than me, knows what I am feeling or what I need. So I need to somehow let them know without begging for thanks or getting some half-assed, short-lived change in the situation. How can I effect permanent, positive change?

I know, I really only have control over my reaction and response to the situation. And until my family knows what I want and need, it is very unfair to be mad at them for not giving it to me. None of us are mind readers and it is unreasonable of me to carry around this hurt and resentment and let everyone guess what is wrong with me.

But I also have to figure out a way to tell them that conveys my emotions, my truth, my authenticity without becoming so emotional as to close them off or make them pity me and not respect the validity of what I am saying.

Maybe we can go on Dr. Phil and he can help me. Or maybe there is a way to say it that is direct but not hurtful.

Why, oh why, do human relationships have to be SOOOOO difficult?

By the way, the real question of the day is - what is your favorite curse word?

Mine is the f-word. I don't like to see it written but I LOVE to say it.

It can mean lots of different things and convey lots of different emotions. It's versatile and flexible and has some shock value left to it (well, a little bit, anyway)!

Freak of the Week
That's right boys and girls. It's Tuesday and it is time for our weekly crowning of the biggest freak I have heard about this week.

This week's winner is....

Ashlee Simpson! (I can't find any links to the story I saw earlier this week).

She has done something horrific to her hair and apparently she is going to "sing" on SNL again - perhaps even the song on her album about the tragedy the last time she was on the show.

She is crazy! Stay home, Ashlee. Just let it die.

FREAK! If you want to see a picture - go to pinkisthenewblog.com and scroll for awhile - ugh!

Anonymous
Can you really be anonymous on the internet? Can you really be anonymous in life?

I am going to try to have an anonymous blog - no names, no links, no counters, no nothing. I am going to intentionally not have anything searchable. Just me, coping and bitching and carrying on!

So we shall see - maybe, even in today's world of instant and complete communication, we can still have something that is just for us!

1 Comments:

At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ersatz Dr Phil here..

You teach people how to treat you..

How's that working for you?...

(Me) Start assigning chores, perhaps some people could be assigned a day to start dinner, do laundry (skills that will come in handy) mow, vacuum, change the cat box, take out the trash. There will be more of you to share, and they will appreciate what you have been doing for them, and they will be growing up.

(Dr. Phil) Does that sound like a plan? If you want to keep going like you are, can I move in?

Good Luck

Steve

 

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